So I am on a bit of a blogging binge. Bear with me. LOL. (I guess it helps when I have lots of time and a house to myself and actual internet access.)
Random thought #1: I love singing. When I am at school I will sing almost more than I speak. I sing random things, I sing bits and pieces of songs, I will just sing absentmindedly. But funny thing is, I don't sing much at home (Mom's.) I sing when no one is there, but I don't sing when a certain person is there (and that person usually is there). Granted, there is usually music going, but really, I am encouraged not to sing by this person. It kind of sucks, now that I think about it. But I sing at my father's house. Actually, yesterday is the first time I sang at my dad's just because I was happy. And really, I was. I was totally relaxed. I guess that's what it is: I sing when I am happy and relaxed.
You know, I watched part of the Oscars with my dad's wife, Amanda. There were a couple of performances by the cast of DreamGirls. They sang their hearts out. They totally let loose and wailed it. I was seriously brought to tears. I don't know, it was moving. And you know what? I want to sing like that. I want to be a powerhouse with my voice and totally go at it. I don't have the skill yet...lol I want to wail it and be GOOD at it, hahaha. I really enjoy singing. Of course, there are days when I don't want to sing or suddenly I will get tired of hearing my voice or being limited in the way that I am...but other, most, times, I love singing.
Random thought #2: My dad has two dogs. One is an American Standard Poodle. No, it is not a ratdog. (The other one is...it's a poodle/king cavalier spaniel X). Anywhoo..
This dog, Steinbeck, I think is less than a year old. The last time I came over I played and played and played with him. This time when I came over, the 1st thing he did when he saw me was bounded over to me and made as if to play with me. It was cute. But being less than a year old, Steinbeck is quite mischevious. I woke up this morning at 6:15 or so to his whining to get out of the crate...Dad came and let him out. Then I woke up again at about 9ish to see that he had gotten into the gingerale. The box was all ripped open and the floor was sticky. He had actually punctured a can--and drank it. My dad said it was a good thing it wasn't alcoholic. Hahaha. And then a little while ago, Steinbeck was kind of wandering around downstairs (where I am). I hear a crash, and as I have my own dogs I know the sound of noses and teeth going where they shouldn't. I look over and he's bent over something like a stick. I holler, he tries to snatch it up with his teeth and run, but he drops it--and I find, to my disgust, that it's my toothbrush. Yuck. He had pulled down my makeup case and was about to go chew my toothbrush. Hm. Looks like I've got to get a new toothbrush today.
Random thought #3: It's snowing in New Westminster. Who'da thunk it?
Random thought #4: Coffee experiences of the weekend: several. Had a really good coffee at Timmy's after yoga, was good and we had good conversation. Sometimes Timmy's coffee can be gross, other times it can just hit the spot. This time it hit the spot.
Went into Bean Bro's for the first time in a number of years. The guy roasts his own coffee, has a roaster right in the place. Quite cool. Business has boomed since my family first started going there. Sells coffee/coffee related stuff on one end of the place, and ha added a kind of bistro I guess on the other side--has a pizza oven, sells different kinds of food, has a different menu and staff altogether than on the coffee end. Quite interesting. Place is packed.
Also, saw some penguin cookies in Safeway, was going to introduce my family to the Tim Tam experience...but they left for work this morning. I tried it, doesn't exacty work with Penguins like it does with Tim Tams...though my coffee was lukewarm so that probably didn't help. I ended up spilling coffee on myself in order to reach my half-drunk beverage. And I had to use skim milk in my coffee...don't like skim in coffee. (I know, call the wambulance, right?)
Random thought #5: My family (grandparents) are debating on whether or not to sell the family cabin. I don't want it to leave the family, neither do my brothers or father or aunt...but it's old, a handmade A-frame that really needs a new foundation and a new roof, plus tons of other work. It's like the Weasley house. Hahaha. Dad, Amanda and I were thinking of putting a sign up saying "the Wheeze-Lee's" ha ha ha ha....
But there's like maintenance and stuff, property tax, Strata fees, etc etc, all sorts of things that Grandma and Grandpa have to pay for. I guess they are getting their will in order as they are in their mid-eighties...they asked my dad how much they liked the cabin, pretty much asked him what he would feel if they put the cabin up for sale. See, though it is old and needs work, we love the cabin. It has many memories for all of us. It is a big part of our family, because we have all put our mark on it in some way or another, ie it being handmade, has stained glass window on the top pane of the back side that my grandmother did and put in, etc. I think that they might sell it came as a shock to my dad; he was dumbfounded for a moment and I think he actually got a bit emotional. I don't want it to leave the family. If I had money, I would totally put work in on it. Heck, I was planning on going down in the late spring and staying for a weekend. That's the place that I was really introduced to my love of hiking.
I guess this whole thing with wills and stuff, leaving things to family, I don't know, it really sucks. My grandpa has Parkinsons, he's getting worse. I almost started crying yesterday when grandpa said that they weren't going to be around forever. My grandparents, I don't know if they're Christian. My grandpa was Jewish, my grandma Catholic, and as far as I know when they got married they gave up their religions. I really don't want them to die without knowing Jesus. I think though that God is faithful...we were talking about the classes I am taking, and they asked me what Christology was, and I talked about why I had to learn Christology. Like, I talked about how we studied the person of Christ, and sin, and how it was important to understand what sin was and what it did, in order to understand what Christ did on the cross. My grandma asked me what sin is (they are both scholars and highly educated, so it's not like they don't know, they just wanted to see what I was being taught I think, like for discussion purposes). And I blushed and told them I had failed that midterm, at which point they laughed...but they still wanted to know. So I told them about the three main terms in Hebrew for sin: sin, iniquity and transgression, and what they meant...and I found myself talking about Romans and how it says that the wages of sin is death, and so when Christ died on the cross he died for our sins (I talked about how in the OT they had to do offerings, and sacrifices for sins) and how Christ was the ultimate sacrifice cuz he was perfect, and stuff like that. Basically I shared the gospel with them..........and I didn't even mean to. Thank God, I don't think that I came across arrogant or pushing it on them, I just told them what I had learned, and what I remembered. I pray that God uses that...haha, I came away a little dazed that I had said all that. I just hope that they saw the sincerity behind my words and that I truly believe all that stuff. I think this is one of those things that I have to trust God on.
IN all this, I have to say that I have had a good start to my break. This weekend has not been like I planned it: I was going to stay with my friend Migiwa, but her entire weekend was busy as she had exams and papers to prepare for/write. I didn't even get to go to youth church with her...and I didn't get to see my friend Nancy, whom I came to Vancouver to see (as well as Migiwa). It just seems that this is the worst weekend to come over. Yet it has been really awesome. I have spent time with my dad and Amanda, having fun the whole time; I saw my grandparents; I have had really good phone conversations with both Migiwa and Nancy; and I am going to a Van Morrison concert tonight with my dad and my brother Mark!! (I didn't know at first who he was, but Mark said he was the dude that did "Brown Eyed Girl" and so then I was like oh my goodness SWEET!!!) And my bro's fiancee knows the sound guy, so we are getting a tour of the sound booth...maybe even backstage??!! WOOT!!!
Well those are my random thoughts. I was going to post about my Williams Lake experience, but I will do that another time; I figured this was getting a little long. Hahaha.
Snafu
Monday, February 26, 2007
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Varmint Control!!
So I just saw the funniest video ever. My uncle, who has a skydiving company and a fax company, started ANOTHER company (how many is he going to have???), I think called Varmint Control. He and some buddies I guess take out gophers...they load propane and oxygen I think and besically feed it into gopher holes, and then ignite it. (I think that's how they do it.) The explosive force kills the gophers in the holes and it also caves in the tunnel system. In any case, Uncle Ron (aka Rondo) made this promo video of him and his buddies clearing out a dz (drop zone)....oh my gosh it is so funny. Well I think it is cuz I am related to him. Ha ha. But the ground totally explodes around the guys. Go to www.varmintcontrol.com to see it...it's amazing, hahaha.
On an unrelated note:
I did yoga with my parents this morning. It's called Bikram's yoga...it's a heated room (everyone drips sweat there, no exaggeration) and the intructor keeps a running dialogue. There's no chant or mantra that we need to follow, some of it is stretching like I would normally do except it's called things, like camel or tree or eagle pose. The instructors all swear up and down that it's good for spinal stuff, lets out toxins and releases calcium buildups, etc etc (although the instructor said today about one pose that it restores or repairs brain cells or something, I don't know but I wanted to laugh, lol) but all in all it was a really good workout. I've done Bikram's before I came to Bible College.
What do you guys think about yoga? This kind we don't do any mind exercises or anything or special meditations, but I heard a pastor say recently that the poses are like modeled after eastern gods or something. Do you think it opens the doors to anything? What are your thoughts?
On an unrelated note:
I did yoga with my parents this morning. It's called Bikram's yoga...it's a heated room (everyone drips sweat there, no exaggeration) and the intructor keeps a running dialogue. There's no chant or mantra that we need to follow, some of it is stretching like I would normally do except it's called things, like camel or tree or eagle pose. The instructors all swear up and down that it's good for spinal stuff, lets out toxins and releases calcium buildups, etc etc (although the instructor said today about one pose that it restores or repairs brain cells or something, I don't know but I wanted to laugh, lol) but all in all it was a really good workout. I've done Bikram's before I came to Bible College.
What do you guys think about yoga? This kind we don't do any mind exercises or anything or special meditations, but I heard a pastor say recently that the poses are like modeled after eastern gods or something. Do you think it opens the doors to anything? What are your thoughts?
Saturday, February 24, 2007
In Vancouver...
So I (Snafu) am in Vancouver right now, at the downtown public library. It's been almost three years since I lived here...maybe even three years...and every time I come back I realize how much I don't want to live here.
I like to people watch and so Vancouver is a great place to do that. On the SkyTrain you can tell who's from Vancouver and who's not: the people who take the train every day are the ones who sit with glazed eyes, staring at nothing and not making eye contact with anyone. They usually clutch their bags to their laps or side; sometimes they rest their heads on the windows or shut their eyes and doze, nodding to the rhythm of the train. They hold their bodies very close to themselves and are careful not to touch those they must sit beside; it's an art they've perfected out of habit. I guess if you're around people all day long, then it's a way of staying solitary and keeping your own space boundaries. I used to be one of those people.
Those that are not daily commuters are more lively; they look around, watch the scenery passing by, are not as comfortable in sitting with the delicate balance of surrounded by people/preserving isolation; they talk more if with someone (thought that could be argued that anyone that has a travel companion would be more active and vocal) and are generally more animated.
People in Vancouver (again, arguable as this could be anywhere) are in a way less sanitary. The bathrooms are gross in public settings and most people do not employ proper handwashing tecniques. (Personally disgusted as I am typing on a public keyboard...yuck!) Yet the people here in Vancouver are generally more concerned with outward appearance than other places I've been. They (both guys and girls) are generally much much thinner, their clothes are tidy and are the latest fashion, and their hair/makeup is done to perfection.
But back to the SkyTrain...the whole idea of people living in a densely populated city and yet be very closed is fascinating to me. That's what I've noticed. The more people there are, the more closed people tend to be. In Vancouver it's very out of the ordinary to be in a public place and have someone look at you (unless they are creepy or something.) Hardly anyone smiles. Everyone seems to be in a rat race...flitting from here to there, it's always very busy, competing against everyone else...for what? I don't know. But it's like because there are so many people around all the time, the only way to preserve sanity and a sense of identity is to close oneself off from everyone else. There's not really any sense of community here.
Thoughts?
I like to people watch and so Vancouver is a great place to do that. On the SkyTrain you can tell who's from Vancouver and who's not: the people who take the train every day are the ones who sit with glazed eyes, staring at nothing and not making eye contact with anyone. They usually clutch their bags to their laps or side; sometimes they rest their heads on the windows or shut their eyes and doze, nodding to the rhythm of the train. They hold their bodies very close to themselves and are careful not to touch those they must sit beside; it's an art they've perfected out of habit. I guess if you're around people all day long, then it's a way of staying solitary and keeping your own space boundaries. I used to be one of those people.
Those that are not daily commuters are more lively; they look around, watch the scenery passing by, are not as comfortable in sitting with the delicate balance of surrounded by people/preserving isolation; they talk more if with someone (thought that could be argued that anyone that has a travel companion would be more active and vocal) and are generally more animated.
People in Vancouver (again, arguable as this could be anywhere) are in a way less sanitary. The bathrooms are gross in public settings and most people do not employ proper handwashing tecniques. (Personally disgusted as I am typing on a public keyboard...yuck!) Yet the people here in Vancouver are generally more concerned with outward appearance than other places I've been. They (both guys and girls) are generally much much thinner, their clothes are tidy and are the latest fashion, and their hair/makeup is done to perfection.
But back to the SkyTrain...the whole idea of people living in a densely populated city and yet be very closed is fascinating to me. That's what I've noticed. The more people there are, the more closed people tend to be. In Vancouver it's very out of the ordinary to be in a public place and have someone look at you (unless they are creepy or something.) Hardly anyone smiles. Everyone seems to be in a rat race...flitting from here to there, it's always very busy, competing against everyone else...for what? I don't know. But it's like because there are so many people around all the time, the only way to preserve sanity and a sense of identity is to close oneself off from everyone else. There's not really any sense of community here.
Thoughts?
Sunday, February 18, 2007
I want to do art
I want to do art. I want to sketch, and I want to paint. I want to capture the emotions on the face. It comes and it goes, and this is one of those times when I have inspiration and emotion to pour out, where my fingers just long to pick up a pencil or piece of charcoal and express myself, and capture the elusive emotion I can see on the faces in my mind. I can almost feel the lines I want to draw. It's a beautiful feeling, and almost painful.
But I can't...reality slaps me in the face...I've got midterms to study for. I can't wait to go to Langara.
Snafu.
But I can't...reality slaps me in the face...I've got midterms to study for. I can't wait to go to Langara.
Snafu.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
I hate people too
I hate people who treat me like a child
I hate people who over step my boundries, especially when you tell them over and over again
I hate people who treat me like i am lesser than them
I hate people who treat me like i am stupid
I hate people
I can't find my angry poem....aaahhhhhh
Mimi.
I hate people who over step my boundries, especially when you tell them over and over again
I hate people who treat me like i am lesser than them
I hate people who treat me like i am stupid
I hate people
I can't find my angry poem....aaahhhhhh
Mimi.
Saturday, December 9, 2006
I hate people!
Well can I tell y'all that I really want to go home? I can't wait. I am going to get up at 7 every morning, have some breakfast (yogurt or cottage cheese with fruit and a slice of toast...sounds so good...and not deep fried), do some devos, and take my dogs for a walk. Then I am going to come home and work on making the downstairs into a rec room. (Hehe, I used to think it was "wreck room".) Oh yeah. I am going to feed my horses. Yeah. Going to work on the downstairs, and hopefully my room too, get it painted....sigh. And I am going to reintroduce Greek into my life. And I am going to have my music on, and I am going to do Christmas cards...and maybe I'll even paint a little. But you know what I am definitely going to do? I am going to READ!!! I am going to sit somewhere quiet and read the rest of Eragon, and then read Eldest...yay! Speaking of...my brother David is going to take me to Eragon the movie!!! Yahoo! I am so excited!
Ahhh, I need quiet so badly. Usually I am fine with noise...so, that's a lie. In the morning times when I am at home, I get really irritable if I wake up to the sound of loud or sharp banging, or if I come out to the kitchen and like my parents are hustling and bustling...morning times are for slow, soft movements and sipping coffee and speaking in low voices.
During the day I am usually fine for noise...I like loud music and people talking...but right now I am stressed and any rapid movements or loud noises or too many people talking at once is overwhelming for me. I start to not be able to think and I get irritable. (Interlude: My roomie is amazing...she just gave me a cookie!)
I just want to stay in my room right now...sigh...not see people. That's what's going to be great about going home. There's no one there except my parents, and usually my mom is at work. So I can just go outside and groom my horses and hear the wind going through the trees...and that's it. Maybe the soft nickers of the horses, maybe the purr of my cat, maybe even the barking of my dogs as they chase each other down the dike. But other than that....silence. And if my stepdad is watching tv, I can go downstairs or go for a walk. It will be peaceful, seriously.
And I am going to eat what I want!!! I can drink milk any time during the day, I can have coffee that actually tastes good and DOESN'T have grounds in it (cuz the caf's coffee sucks...and I can have milk in my coffee instead of cream), and I can have chicken that's not greasy or too salty and I can have ground beef that's strained...if I even have ground beef. And I can have whole grains, I can have GOOD vegetables, I can have REAL potatoes with my choice to put butter on or not. Oh, and I can have toast....how I miss toast...and eggs done easy over. With no grease! And I can have fruit that is NOT honeydew or cantelope...you know those used to be my fave melons?? Not anymore.
So I don't actually hate people, even though that's what my title says. I just hate the drama that comes with getting too close to people. Close as in close quarters...but also close as in getting to know people. Once you get past the superficial relationship there's always danger in getting to know the real person. Once your and their real personality comes out, clashes arise, misunderstandings occur, space is invaded...and it all has to be worked out. It's annoying and stressful and sometimes the whole relationship is damaging. Myabe I'm just being pessimistic, but there is a certain danger in getting to know people. You might get hurt, you might make superficial friends that leave for better things, you might get manipulative or possesive friends...and then sometimes you get really good friends. Gems whom you click with and can pray with and talk to and work things through. People who support you and you support and mutually encourage.
I do love people, it is just difficult to work through conflicts and flaws within myself that seem to come out when others are around. But hey, it makes me stronger and teaches me perseverance and true love for people, and brings me closer to God cuz I have to depend on him for strength, wisdom, and godly love.
Roomie's and Mimi's blog interlude: "The other day, I was eating cookies, and I felt something tell me I was fat. It really brought me down. I started praying and kept on praying. It was really hard. But then I ate some more cookies and it went away."
Mah ahahahahahaha. Jer you know what we're talking about. Hahahahaha.
Anyways...I still can't wait to go home...but I know that I need to concentrate on what's happening in my life now...like homework and exams. Oh well, that's life.
Snafu.
Edit: Can I tell you that I am sick and tired of relating through joking around and teasing each other? I just want plain old communication. No teasing, no barriers, no joking, just plain heart to heart talking. Argh.
Ahhh, I need quiet so badly. Usually I am fine with noise...so, that's a lie. In the morning times when I am at home, I get really irritable if I wake up to the sound of loud or sharp banging, or if I come out to the kitchen and like my parents are hustling and bustling...morning times are for slow, soft movements and sipping coffee and speaking in low voices.
During the day I am usually fine for noise...I like loud music and people talking...but right now I am stressed and any rapid movements or loud noises or too many people talking at once is overwhelming for me. I start to not be able to think and I get irritable. (Interlude: My roomie is amazing...she just gave me a cookie!)
I just want to stay in my room right now...sigh...not see people. That's what's going to be great about going home. There's no one there except my parents, and usually my mom is at work. So I can just go outside and groom my horses and hear the wind going through the trees...and that's it. Maybe the soft nickers of the horses, maybe the purr of my cat, maybe even the barking of my dogs as they chase each other down the dike. But other than that....silence. And if my stepdad is watching tv, I can go downstairs or go for a walk. It will be peaceful, seriously.
And I am going to eat what I want!!! I can drink milk any time during the day, I can have coffee that actually tastes good and DOESN'T have grounds in it (cuz the caf's coffee sucks...and I can have milk in my coffee instead of cream), and I can have chicken that's not greasy or too salty and I can have ground beef that's strained...if I even have ground beef. And I can have whole grains, I can have GOOD vegetables, I can have REAL potatoes with my choice to put butter on or not. Oh, and I can have toast....how I miss toast...and eggs done easy over. With no grease! And I can have fruit that is NOT honeydew or cantelope...you know those used to be my fave melons?? Not anymore.
So I don't actually hate people, even though that's what my title says. I just hate the drama that comes with getting too close to people. Close as in close quarters...but also close as in getting to know people. Once you get past the superficial relationship there's always danger in getting to know the real person. Once your and their real personality comes out, clashes arise, misunderstandings occur, space is invaded...and it all has to be worked out. It's annoying and stressful and sometimes the whole relationship is damaging. Myabe I'm just being pessimistic, but there is a certain danger in getting to know people. You might get hurt, you might make superficial friends that leave for better things, you might get manipulative or possesive friends...and then sometimes you get really good friends. Gems whom you click with and can pray with and talk to and work things through. People who support you and you support and mutually encourage.
I do love people, it is just difficult to work through conflicts and flaws within myself that seem to come out when others are around. But hey, it makes me stronger and teaches me perseverance and true love for people, and brings me closer to God cuz I have to depend on him for strength, wisdom, and godly love.
Roomie's and Mimi's blog interlude: "The other day, I was eating cookies, and I felt something tell me I was fat. It really brought me down. I started praying and kept on praying. It was really hard. But then I ate some more cookies and it went away."
Mah ahahahahahaha. Jer you know what we're talking about. Hahahahaha.
Anyways...I still can't wait to go home...but I know that I need to concentrate on what's happening in my life now...like homework and exams. Oh well, that's life.
Snafu.
Edit: Can I tell you that I am sick and tired of relating through joking around and teasing each other? I just want plain old communication. No teasing, no barriers, no joking, just plain heart to heart talking. Argh.
Sunday, December 3, 2006
Walking on pins and needles
You know, I hate talking to people. No, I hate talking to one person in particular. I think he is the only person in the school that I can't talk to without feeling like an idiot. Or that I can't talk to at all. Somehow, everything I say to him or around him gets confused. We are like on two totally different planes. Stuff that I say around my other friends seem rational, but around this one guy it all seems ridiculous. And not only ridiculous, but I don't seem to get my point across. Like, I don't get it. He doesn't even laugh when I am stupid. he just looks uncomfortable. And he laughs at everything else and everyone else. Like what the heck????
I feel like he doesn't want to get to know me at all. He makes no attempt to hold up a conversation or engage in one unless he has to. I feel like the limited contact I have with him is forced...because he has classes with me or something. It makes me so angry. He's not even giving me a chance.
Snafu.
I feel like he doesn't want to get to know me at all. He makes no attempt to hold up a conversation or engage in one unless he has to. I feel like the limited contact I have with him is forced...because he has classes with me or something. It makes me so angry. He's not even giving me a chance.
Snafu.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)