I hate people!

Well can I tell y'all that I really want to go home? I can't wait. I am going to get up at 7 every morning, have some breakfast (yogurt or cottage cheese with fruit and a slice of toast...sounds so good...and not deep fried), do some devos, and take my dogs for a walk. Then I am going to come home and work on making the downstairs into a rec room. (Hehe, I used to think it was "wreck room".) Oh yeah. I am going to feed my horses. Yeah. Going to work on the downstairs, and hopefully my room too, get it painted....sigh. And I am going to reintroduce Greek into my life. And I am going to have my music on, and I am going to do Christmas cards...and maybe I'll even paint a little. But you know what I am definitely going to do? I am going to READ!!! I am going to sit somewhere quiet and read the rest of Eragon, and then read Eldest...yay! Speaking of...my brother David is going to take me to Eragon the movie!!! Yahoo! I am so excited!
Ahhh, I need quiet so badly. Usually I am fine with noise...so, that's a lie. In the morning times when I am at home, I get really irritable if I wake up to the sound of loud or sharp banging, or if I come out to the kitchen and like my parents are hustling and bustling...morning times are for slow, soft movements and sipping coffee and speaking in low voices.
During the day I am usually fine for noise...I like loud music and people talking...but right now I am stressed and any rapid movements or loud noises or too many people talking at once is overwhelming for me. I start to not be able to think and I get irritable. (Interlude: My roomie is amazing...she just gave me a cookie!)
I just want to stay in my room right now...sigh...not see people. That's what's going to be great about going home. There's no one there except my parents, and usually my mom is at work. So I can just go outside and groom my horses and hear the wind going through the trees...and that's it. Maybe the soft nickers of the horses, maybe the purr of my cat, maybe even the barking of my dogs as they chase each other down the dike. But other than that....silence. And if my stepdad is watching tv, I can go downstairs or go for a walk. It will be peaceful, seriously.
And I am going to eat what I want!!! I can drink milk any time during the day, I can have coffee that actually tastes good and DOESN'T have grounds in it (cuz the caf's coffee sucks...and I can have milk in my coffee instead of cream), and I can have chicken that's not greasy or too salty and I can have ground beef that's strained...if I even have ground beef. And I can have whole grains, I can have GOOD vegetables, I can have REAL potatoes with my choice to put butter on or not. Oh, and I can have toast....how I miss toast...and eggs done easy over. With no grease! And I can have fruit that is NOT honeydew or cantelope...you know those used to be my fave melons?? Not anymore.
So I don't actually hate people, even though that's what my title says. I just hate the drama that comes with getting too close to people. Close as in close quarters...but also close as in getting to know people. Once you get past the superficial relationship there's always danger in getting to know the real person. Once your and their real personality comes out, clashes arise, misunderstandings occur, space is invaded...and it all has to be worked out. It's annoying and stressful and sometimes the whole relationship is damaging. Myabe I'm just being pessimistic, but there is a certain danger in getting to know people. You might get hurt, you might make superficial friends that leave for better things, you might get manipulative or possesive friends...and then sometimes you get really good friends. Gems whom you click with and can pray with and talk to and work things through. People who support you and you support and mutually encourage.
I do love people, it is just difficult to work through conflicts and flaws within myself that seem to come out when others are around. But hey, it makes me stronger and teaches me perseverance and true love for people, and brings me closer to God cuz I have to depend on him for strength, wisdom, and godly love.

Roomie's and Mimi's blog interlude: "The other day, I was eating cookies, and I felt something tell me I was fat. It really brought me down. I started praying and kept on praying. It was really hard. But then I ate some more cookies and it went away."

Mah ahahahahahaha. Jer you know what we're talking about. Hahahahaha.

Anyways...I still can't wait to go home...but I know that I need to concentrate on what's happening in my life now...like homework and exams. Oh well, that's life.

Snafu.

Edit: Can I tell you that I am sick and tired of relating through joking around and teasing each other? I just want plain old communication. No teasing, no barriers, no joking, just plain heart to heart talking. Argh.