Purpose and Intentionality

I am reading the book "Practicing Greatness: 7 Disciplines of Extraordinary Spiritual Leaders". I thought it was going to be a book on fasting, praying, all the classic Christian disciplines that we are to implement in our lives. Instead, it is a book on the disciplines of self-awareness, self-management, self-development, mission, decision making, belonging, and aloneness. Not necessarily what I would have thought to be disciplines. And of course, the book addresses all the 'classic' disciplines as means to achieve these others. I like this because it seems to address not just symptoms or outward actions as a way of changing the inner, but addresses inner motives and thinking and overall concepts. It addresses the bigger picture and how these disciplines of lack thereof will affect one's ministry effectiveness.

All that to say, I am reading about the discipline of self-awareness. These are some of the things in the book that stood out to me:

"The single most important piece of information a leader possesses is self-awareness....Without appropriate self-awareness, hidden addictions or compulsions may guide leaders to behaviors that create huge problems that may dismay, exasperate, and bewilder those they lead. Leaders who operate without self-awareness run the risk of being blindsided by destructive impulses....For followers, credibility rides or falls on consistency....

"Self awareness gifts [leaders] with significant insight. They know why they are on the planet and what contribution they intend to make....They know what they bring to the table in terms of talents and abilities. They know what they don't know, so they are constantly pushing their learning in strategic areas that support their personal growth and missional effectiveness."

As I have been reading this over, I've been making notes in the book, something I don't normally do. But I decided to not just read this book because I have to, but read it because I actually want to learn from it. I am being intentional about this.
That's what strikes me about this book. It smacks of intentionality. One has to be intentional in order to implement disciplines into one's life. One has to be intentional about becoming a great leader, (or growing in Christ) and therefore intentionally implementing those disciplines.

I realized that I am not usually an intentional person, in a lot of ways. I am more reactionary; I sit back, take what life gives me and do something with it. I don't usually stride forward and make things happen.

I asked myself, why? It is not as if I am not decisive. It's not as if I do not have strong opinions on certain (or many) things. It's because oftentimes, I am afraid. A line from the book says, "They know why they are on this planet and what contribution they intend to make..." In order to be intentional, the question has to be answered: "Why am I on this planet?" I think intentionality flows from an understanding of one's purpose. And I have shied away from this question partly because I am afraid to find out that my life is meaningless.

Now, as a Christian, I know that God has put me on this earth to glorify Him, to do the work that He has set out for me, and to be a witness to Christ. But I want to ask, "What about Me?" What about my identity as Sharon, not just Christian? I think there is a dichotomy there, where I am not sure there is supposed to be one. I think I struggle to answer the question of purpose in my own life--I mean in the sense of the unique makeup, calling, creation that God has made me to be and made in me. What am I uniquely made to do, called to do, created to do? I think in that I will find the fulfillment of my Christian duties, whereas I think I have been looking through the glasses of my Christian calling to discover the calling unique to me. I don't know if that is a bad thing. But I think that sometimes we (or I) can hide behind it or not even realize that each one is created to fulfill the Christian calling in a way that they are specifically designed for.

Purpose. Why am I here on this planet? How has God specifically designed me, and what for? I need to understand that. And that brings me back to the concept of intentionality. I need to be intentional about discovering that--and then intentional about using it and being it. And not just intentional about making a difference, or living out my calling--but the practical aspects of being intentional. If I am truly going to be intentional, it will change the entire way that I live my life. Every conversation I have will be intentional--not with a design to manipulate--but not talking for the sake of hearing my own voice or opinions. And intentional about what I eat and how I take care of myself--that area of life is not excluded in my stance of laissez-fair or passivity. Being intentional about learning--not just picking up whatever tidbits fall to me, but setting out to learn and equip myself that all that being at school has to offer. And I guess not just at school, either. What can I learn from each stage of my life? In every situation, there is a chance for me to learn. There is a chance for me to grow in my relationship with the Lord. There is a chance for me to use what God has given me and gifted me with and designed me uniquely to do. I have to be intentional about doing that.