I hate people too

I hate people who treat me like a child
I hate people who over step my boundries, especially when you tell them over and over again
I hate people who treat me like i am lesser than them
I hate people who treat me like i am stupid
I hate people

I can't find my angry poem....aaahhhhhh


Mimi.

I hate people!

Well can I tell y'all that I really want to go home? I can't wait. I am going to get up at 7 every morning, have some breakfast (yogurt or cottage cheese with fruit and a slice of toast...sounds so good...and not deep fried), do some devos, and take my dogs for a walk. Then I am going to come home and work on making the downstairs into a rec room. (Hehe, I used to think it was "wreck room".) Oh yeah. I am going to feed my horses. Yeah. Going to work on the downstairs, and hopefully my room too, get it painted....sigh. And I am going to reintroduce Greek into my life. And I am going to have my music on, and I am going to do Christmas cards...and maybe I'll even paint a little. But you know what I am definitely going to do? I am going to READ!!! I am going to sit somewhere quiet and read the rest of Eragon, and then read Eldest...yay! Speaking of...my brother David is going to take me to Eragon the movie!!! Yahoo! I am so excited!
Ahhh, I need quiet so badly. Usually I am fine with noise...so, that's a lie. In the morning times when I am at home, I get really irritable if I wake up to the sound of loud or sharp banging, or if I come out to the kitchen and like my parents are hustling and bustling...morning times are for slow, soft movements and sipping coffee and speaking in low voices.
During the day I am usually fine for noise...I like loud music and people talking...but right now I am stressed and any rapid movements or loud noises or too many people talking at once is overwhelming for me. I start to not be able to think and I get irritable. (Interlude: My roomie is amazing...she just gave me a cookie!)
I just want to stay in my room right now...sigh...not see people. That's what's going to be great about going home. There's no one there except my parents, and usually my mom is at work. So I can just go outside and groom my horses and hear the wind going through the trees...and that's it. Maybe the soft nickers of the horses, maybe the purr of my cat, maybe even the barking of my dogs as they chase each other down the dike. But other than that....silence. And if my stepdad is watching tv, I can go downstairs or go for a walk. It will be peaceful, seriously.
And I am going to eat what I want!!! I can drink milk any time during the day, I can have coffee that actually tastes good and DOESN'T have grounds in it (cuz the caf's coffee sucks...and I can have milk in my coffee instead of cream), and I can have chicken that's not greasy or too salty and I can have ground beef that's strained...if I even have ground beef. And I can have whole grains, I can have GOOD vegetables, I can have REAL potatoes with my choice to put butter on or not. Oh, and I can have toast....how I miss toast...and eggs done easy over. With no grease! And I can have fruit that is NOT honeydew or cantelope...you know those used to be my fave melons?? Not anymore.
So I don't actually hate people, even though that's what my title says. I just hate the drama that comes with getting too close to people. Close as in close quarters...but also close as in getting to know people. Once you get past the superficial relationship there's always danger in getting to know the real person. Once your and their real personality comes out, clashes arise, misunderstandings occur, space is invaded...and it all has to be worked out. It's annoying and stressful and sometimes the whole relationship is damaging. Myabe I'm just being pessimistic, but there is a certain danger in getting to know people. You might get hurt, you might make superficial friends that leave for better things, you might get manipulative or possesive friends...and then sometimes you get really good friends. Gems whom you click with and can pray with and talk to and work things through. People who support you and you support and mutually encourage.
I do love people, it is just difficult to work through conflicts and flaws within myself that seem to come out when others are around. But hey, it makes me stronger and teaches me perseverance and true love for people, and brings me closer to God cuz I have to depend on him for strength, wisdom, and godly love.

Roomie's and Mimi's blog interlude: "The other day, I was eating cookies, and I felt something tell me I was fat. It really brought me down. I started praying and kept on praying. It was really hard. But then I ate some more cookies and it went away."

Mah ahahahahahaha. Jer you know what we're talking about. Hahahahaha.

Anyways...I still can't wait to go home...but I know that I need to concentrate on what's happening in my life now...like homework and exams. Oh well, that's life.

Snafu.

Edit: Can I tell you that I am sick and tired of relating through joking around and teasing each other? I just want plain old communication. No teasing, no barriers, no joking, just plain heart to heart talking. Argh.

Walking on pins and needles

You know, I hate talking to people. No, I hate talking to one person in particular. I think he is the only person in the school that I can't talk to without feeling like an idiot. Or that I can't talk to at all. Somehow, everything I say to him or around him gets confused. We are like on two totally different planes. Stuff that I say around my other friends seem rational, but around this one guy it all seems ridiculous. And not only ridiculous, but I don't seem to get my point across. Like, I don't get it. He doesn't even laugh when I am stupid. he just looks uncomfortable. And he laughs at everything else and everyone else. Like what the heck????
I feel like he doesn't want to get to know me at all. He makes no attempt to hold up a conversation or engage in one unless he has to. I feel like the limited contact I have with him is forced...because he has classes with me or something. It makes me so angry. He's not even giving me a chance.
Snafu.

FRUSTRATIONS FLY - and beauty soars

AAHHHHH,
So, frustrated with everything. teachers that really P. me off, other students and mostly myself. I hate fake people and having to talk to people about things but i hate beating around the bush even more.
Music...being able to see things in a new light. Listening to music and hearing the beauty of a coarse, rough string being plucked. A string by itself is ugly - it's coarse, hard, and dangerous. But you put it on a guitar and you string it real tight...and you pluck at it. It turns into beauty. Something so coarse can make something so beautiful.
On the other hand, I was looking in a magazine today, and everyone in the flippin thing was ugly. Wierd eh? How often does that happen? I think God is changing things.
When I was walking up the hill, I felt so small and insignificant while looking at the trees. It was so beautiful. The stars over the huge trees...the trees over me...even the huge trees looked small against the backdrop of the sky. It puts the magnitude of God into perspective...the power, the greatness of God...and yet he still cares about the little things, whether it's who we like or an earring that we lose. The fact that he works every little detail into our lives so that we can come to know him...in a relationship with him. God is great.
Everything in our lives seems to matter to him.
Mimi.

Christmas dorm party and all that comes with it...

So last night was the Christmas dorm party. There was room decoration and judging...and for an hour and a half all the dorms were open...to both sexes!! Oh my gosh I think I will have a heart attack. To think that BOYS were allowed in girls' rooms, and vice versa. I tell ya, what is this world coming to? Har har har. To be honest, I am of split opinion on that topic. I can see the merit in having the dorms not co-ed. It's nice to be able to lounge in your room and not have any guys around. If we were in apartments, like in the Morrison, then I'd say no to guys in girls bedrooms and vice versa.

But at the same time, it sucks not being able to have them hang out in our rooms. There's hardly any place to hang out without everyone else being privy to the conversation. And of course the door would be open, that's just common sense. It was strange, it felt almost natural to have some of my guy friends in our rooms.

Mah hahaha. I cleaned my room like there was no tomorrow...last night...uh. Anyways. I realized that my room was kind of a dump before; I also realized I've been avoiding cleaning my room because it is somewhat associated with my homework. And I've been avoiding my homework because I don't want to come to grips with the load I've got to do...I get overwhelmed then just close it off from me in order to compensate with the stress. But we all know how well THAT works! So if you ever see my room a mess, that means I am avoiding something.

But yeah. I've decided (or rediscovered how much) I like having my room clean and tidy. Such less stress. I like being in my room again...like REALLY like it.

Hm. The open dorm was stressful. I always seem kind of drained after it. The thought of so many people coming thru my room...I think my room is a bit of a sanctuary for me. I can come in here, lock my door and have only my roomie in if I want...and veg. I can pretend that nobody else exists. But yesterday when I had to have it open...it was stressful. Probably a lot of people can identify with me. And the fact that my room reflects so much of my personality. It's decorated in the way I want it, has all sorts of personal and meaningful things on the walls, organized the way I want it. It's a little like baring my soul to have people come in and gawk and gawp at it, you know?

I did enjoy seeing the other rooms though. I am of the firm opinion that guys are way better decorators than girls. They have way cooler things in their room, way cooler setup in their rooms, and always bring in more furniture. I would much rather hang out in a guy's room than girl's...except for Mimi's. It's saweet.

But I noticed that guys seem to be less concerned about space constrictions and boundaries. For example, some guys had their beds sideways instead of parallel with the hall. It didn't seem to matter that you had to go around the bed to get into the main part of the room. I don't think I could do that except if I had my own room. I mean that's just one example, but generally it seemed that way to me. I do like that the guys seemed to have no restrictions on modifying the structure of the room....like moving the beds, putting tables and bookshelves where the beds might have been...etc. Most girls just have the standard place for the beds or bunks with a couch opposite.

Seriously, I can't wait to get my own place, and get a bit of money and decorate my room/place. There are so many things one could do. All in good time though.
Snafu.

Whee!

Good evening, fellow bloggers. (Or is it afternoon? Oh crap it's morning still.) After jumping on the myspace bandwagon, we have decided to join blogspot. Why? Because we can. We GOTTA. Oh yeah and some of our friends and fans are on blogspot only...no myspace for them. So if we want to comment on their stuff or vice versa, then we need to connect somehow. Although, Snafu needs to somehow consoldate all her crap. She's got stuff all over the internet on various sites. Ugh. Why can't there be just one site that everyone uses??? It would be so much easier to connect with everyone. I know, I know, less creativity, less opportunity for capitalization, etc etc. (Interlude: do you know how long it took to think of the word capitalization??? We were thinking of every word except it. Gah.)
OOH. Blasting Mozart's Requiem: Lacrimosa.
Currently Mimi is journaling all about her feelings. Bible readings apparently do that.
Mimi: "Mah."
Oooh oooh! Mimi's got 2 new voice messages! YES!
Snafu signing off.